Destined to reign.

Monday, July 31, 2006

Im back from the clinic and a movie.
Dragon Tiger Gate is definitely a great show man.
Shawn Yue is a heart-throb and Donnie Yen's an incredible fighter.
but there's this bunch of kids & their mum in the cinema, making a hell lotsa noise.DAMN!
Im so gonna buy the dvd, its a must have in my dvd collection:))))
My gastric pain is still staying put!
How come all medications seems useless now?

We're one, but we're not the same.

@7:25 PM

Keep what's worth keeping.

This gastric of mine is really making me sick!
The medication im taking now is not having any effect on me anymore.
I think I'll have to go back to doc kuo for a change of stronger medication.
I'll have to go for a gastric bypass this coming friday and im feeling miserable!
Im going to the clinic ltr for a check up as well as a MC cause i didnt attend sch td.
Maybe watch a movie alone after the check up cause everyone's not free:((
there's so many show I wanna watch.
The Lake House, The Fast and The Furious: Tokyo Drift, Click.
Exams are just 2 weeks away! RAHHHHHH!

I get by with a little help from my friends.

@12:43 PM

Sunday, July 30, 2006

The beautiful picture.

-nicely done by qing:))))

have you ever walked along the seaside, etched your name within the sand.
then watched as the tide erased ur name, feeling as if ur very soul was swept out to sea with it?
what is it about the seaside tht is so inviting, so peaceful, which causes us to ponder about life and about our place in life?

the pass few days has been reallyyy fun and hectic.
monday was rocking at qing's place. I love her mum. hahas. she's always making qing mad by asking her to acc her for high teas. laughs!
tuesday was movie-ing with qing, taufiq and guys.
wednesday was netball-ing and bball-ing with claron, reine, vone and jovey.
thursday was bball-ing with classmates and ~~studying~~ though:((
friday was pretty much bored, i woke up smelling shit! hahahahs.
nana's not toilet trained yet so she fricking shit beside my bed and was barking for me to clean her shit! then ltr in the afternoon, i went for a hair cut and met up with qing for dinner after claron and guys said they're not going for the movie already.
and ytd we went for wei liang's band concert at SP. hahahas.
i like his new haircut, lotsa style!
was on the phone with claron ytd night cause he sent me some stupid msges.hahahahahas.
he's one bloody idiot, he promised not to disturb me but is still doing so can. hence, he owes me 40 bucks now. LOL.
was supposed to be working td at timah but xx said i didnt have to go dwn td so here i am blogging away.
Digital Eletronics's lab test is just tmr!
so fcuking dreadful. I hate logic gates:(
Ive to thanks qing for the gentle reminder too:))
you can be my reminder system you know. haha.
and I WANNA WATCH DRAGON TIGER GATE & THE BREAKUP!

"A picture paints a thousand words," or so it is often told.

@3:32 PM

Saturday, July 29, 2006

The thought card:))

i often wonder how ppl survive childhood and adolescence at all, dont you?
children take so many risks and do so many crazy things tht's hard to see how they manage to get through it all. when they get to adolescence, it gets crazier. tossed ard seas of hormones, pushed and pulled by the winds of impulses and drawn by the hope of hidden treasure in relationships with friends and others, adolescents can sometimes drown in all the confusion.
i must admit tht i personally was still an angry adolescent in my first years of sec sch. my anger was diffuse- the world didnt please me in almost any way. my anger was also focused- my parents didnt please me at all. i chafed under my father's direction and correction.

the other day, i had a serious fight with my dad.
i saw him as controlling and wanted to break free.
he saw me as rebellious and tried to reassert his authority. we both exploded in shouts.
i stormed outta the hse and missed my train to sch.
i knew tht catching the next train meant i would be late to my ptn class. tht made me even more furious. i fumed and sighed all the way to sch.
my mind raced with angry thoughts about my dad. lyk many teens, i was stuck in my egocentricity and im certain tht no one in the world had ever had sucha terrible dad or had to contend with such unfairness. as i ran across the campus towards the building whr my class met, i suddenly realised tht i didnt have the assignment tht was due: a thought card.
this class was taught by mr sng, one of the most unusual teachers ard campus. his policies and procedures were unique, his grading policy revolutionary and his teaching methods were abosolutely unsettling.

during our first lesson, mr sng had explained:" every tuesday, you must bring in a four by six index card with ur name and data on the top line. as for wad's on the rest of the card, tht's up to you. you can write a thought, a concern, a feeling, a qn or just plain anything tht's on ur mind. it's ur way of communicating with me. these cards will be completely confidential. but rmb, this card is ur admission card to class on tuesdays."
on the first tuesday of the class, i dutifully brought in my index card with my name and the data written carefully on the top line. i then added:" all tht glitters is not gold." the following day, mr sng returned the cards to the class and mine had a note tht says:" wad does this quote mean to you? is it significant?" this comment made me uneasy. apparently, he was taking these cards seriously and i surely didnt wanna reveal myself to him.
now i raced dwn the hallway, 10mins late to class. just outside the door, i took an index card from my notebk anf wrote my name and the date on it. desperate for smth to write on it, i could only think about the fight i'd just had with my dad. hence, i wrote:" im the daug of an idiot!" and passed it to mr sng.
the moment i reached my seat, i felt overwhelmed with dread. wad had i done? i gave him tht card! oh no! i didnt mean to let tht out. now he'll know about my anger, about my dad and about my life! i dont rmb anything about tht lesson, all i had in mind was tht card.
i had difficulty slping tht night, filled with a nameless dread. wad could these cards be all about? why did i tell him tht about my dad? suppose he contacts my dad? wad business is it of his anyway?
wednesday morning arrived and i reluntantly got ready for sch. when i got to class, mr sng was giving out the thought cards already. i picked mine up, almost unable to turn it over. when i looked at the card, it says:" wad does the 'daug of an idiot' do with the rest of her life?" it felt lyk someone had punched me in the stomach. i had spent alot of my time blaming my parents. these folks who were paying for my everything were certainly an interfering bunch of fools, werent they?
my sng's innocent seeming qn punctured tht ballon. it got right to the heart of the issue: whose prob is it? whose responsibility are you?
i had learned to see my dad as a smart, wise and loving man and it all started with a qn, an innocent seeming qn :)))

the opposite of love is not hate but indifference.

@11:29 PM

Tuesday, July 18, 2006

It's been a long time now.

HAPPY 17th BIRTHDAY NG YANHAN:)))
i wish you all the best and stay happy always!

i took colby and nana for a trim today:)
though they looked good but my pocket didnt look that good anymore.
i skipped CADD today and qing too. laughs.
we were supposed to meet for lunch before going for CRS but didnt in the end because im a ~~lazy ass~~ and qing always forgives me becuase she's a nice ass. LOL!
im addicted to fishermen's friend all because of her.
and yah, i've been watching devil beside you and currently at episode 13. hahas.
i cant stop watching. i guess this is called addiction huh?!
anyway, im taking my pups for a walk now and be back home by 10pm to watch the chn u drama. weeee!

im just sitting here thinking of how others must pay,
for the mean rude things that some people say.

@7:36 PM

Friday, July 14, 2006

Lost in dreams once long ago.

12th july 06'- Wednesday.

ended school duperly early, met up with reine at lot 1.
we went for lunch then movie with jovey and WL.
watched "re-cycle", the show was mediocre. more like a touching story than a ghost story.
after the show we met up with vone and went back to twss for netball. i miss the teachers so much la but i only chatted with OM, mr Jalleh and mr Sulaiman(spelling). laughs. so many changes in the dnt workshop! not fair, after we left teck whye the workshop is many many times better equip than before.
netball was alright though, we played only one quater of game cause its physical trg tht day:((
but we had our own 3 on 3 netball with fred, WL and jovey. haha.
i love wednesdays:))))))))

13th july o6'- Thursday

~~didnt attend lessons.~~
woke up at bout 11 plus but before that jovey, claron and reine was kind of depriving me of my beauty slp. LAUGHS! so i was half aslp and half awake from 9 plus till 11 plus. im always deprived of my SLEEP! they msg-ed so i have to reply, they called so i have to pick up. hahahas. see im damn nice, i didnt ostracize them while i was slp-ing okay. :)))))))
studied at my place from 1pm-4pm, after that we cabbed down to meet sean lee wei quan whose hair has definitely grown very much longer and i miss him so much cause its been a long time since we met up. we watched "Pirates Of The Carribean: Dead Man's Chest", the starting part was incredible but the ending was BOOOO! the ending was equivalent to no ending can. Orlando Bloom competently melts my heart and Johnny Depp is a fervent actor i must say, he's so funny and cute at the same time.
i had a great time today as well. i do hope everyday would be as witty as today.
tmr sch starts at 8am, dreadful indeed.

the day light breaks again and another day has begun.
but still no sleep has come.
my body is weary and my mind overworked.
i lie awake thinking but what i am unsure.
i need to break free from the cycle i endure.
everyday is the same and the nights are undistinguished.
i feel as though im being pushed along with the tide,
unable to break free from the everyday flow.
this is not me, i need to change, before time takes over and im unable to change.
i need to be freed from the grasp of ordinary and become that person ive always longed for.
express myself in every way and conquer the dreams as i lie awake.
then i may fall asleep and put my mind to rest.
make changes in my life and help those in need.
i would like to touch everyone's life in a positive way and leave my mark on society before i fade away.

the only true wisdom is in knowing you know nothing.

@12:10 AM

Tuesday, July 11, 2006

How could the world remain silent?

Former prisoners of the "little camp" in Buchenwald stare out from the wooden bunks in which they slept three to a "bed." Elie Wiesel is pictured in the second row of bunks, seventh from the left, next to the vertical beam. Abraham Hipler is pictured in the second row, fourth from the left. The man on the third bunk from the bottom, third from the left, is Ignacz (Isaac) Berkovicz. [He has also been identified as Abraham Baruch.] Michael Nikolas Gruner, originally from Hungary, is pictured on the bottom left corner. Perry Shulman from Klimitov, Poland is on the top bunk, second from the left (looking up). Buchenwald, Germany, April 16, 1945.

German soldiers lead blindfolded Polish hostages to an execution site. Olkusz, Poland, July 16, 1940.

Polish partisans are hanged by the Nazis. Rovno, Poland, 1942.

Polish citizens hanged by the Nazis in Sosnowiec. Poland, wartime.

SS doctors examine Polish children judged "racially valuable" for adoption by Germans. Poland, October 1942.

The Black Wall, between Block 10 (left) and Block 11 (right) in the Auschwitz concentration camp, where executions of inmates took place. Poland, date unknown.

Hungarian Jews on their way to the gas chambers. Auschwitz-Birkenau, Poland, May 1944.

Soon after liberation, an emaciated child survivor is carried out of camp barracks by Soviet first-aid workers. Auschwitz, Poland, after January 27, 1945.

Suitcases that belonged to people deported to the Auschwitz camp. This photograph was taken after Soviet forces liberated the camp. Auschwitz, Poland, after January 1945.

Hair of women prisoners, prepared for shipment to Germany, found at the liberation of the Auschwitz extermination camp. Poland, 1945.

Soon after liberation, a Soviet physician examines Auschwitz camp survivors. Poland, February 18, 1945.

Candles mark the railway tracks leading to the Auschwitz camp during the commemoration of the 60th anniversary of the liberation of the camp. Poland, January 27, 2005.

how can a citizen of a free country not pay attention?
how can anyone, anywhere not feel outraged?
how can a person, whether religious or secular, not be moved by compassion?
and above all, how can anyone who remembers remain silent?

silence helps the killer, nvr his victims.

@7:35 PM

Monday, July 10, 2006

If the facts dont fit the theory, change the facts.

imma blur kuku like what qing called me. laughs.
my first practical is at 8am today and i thought it was at 10am.
didnt realise my mistake till qing called me and told me all bout it.
whatever, i didnt skipped lesson today, i merely FORGOT okay.
anyway, its a good start cause i did all my hmwks and i actually attended sch on monday which i dont normally.
i've finished reading Night and have already writen a reading report. woohoo!
this is the first time i've finished reading a book this fast and also the first time im writing a reading report so honestly, w/o copying the summary at the back of the book. LOL.
see the change ppl! *grins*

life is a gift.
we choose what we do with this gift.
many of us choose to use our gift to its fullest potential, while others choose to abuse their gift, and hurt others gifts.
sometimes, we forget how important others gifts are, and at times even our own gift.
for the most part, we treat our gift and others gifts with compassion and understanding, love and forgiveness.
it is important to uds everyone's gift is individual.
we all have our own wrapping paper.
each one of our gifts is special, and no one has the right to criticize one's wrapping paper, or gift.
there're no two gifts alike.
even if the wrapping paper looks the same, look closely, it's not.
everyone's wrapping paper has its individuality.

do not wish to be anything but what i am and try to be tht perfectly:))

@8:25 PM

I've got your back, you said.

take a look ard you,
is it everything you dreamed?
is it what you always wanted?
is it even what you need?
look at ur life and how you live it,
did it turn out as you liked?
or are you a perfect stranger living someone else's life?
do you see yourself as others do?
or do you look inside?
cause if you go by looks alone, shallowness may be your only guide.
next time you look into the mirror, look past everything you see.
look deep inside at who you are and who you want to be.

"If you judge people, you have no time to love them."- Mother Teresa

@12:17 AM

Saturday, July 08, 2006

Friends are forever, boys are wadever.

i finished sch bloody early ytd but still have to stay back and finish up our ~~dopy CRS project.~~ RAHHHHHHH!!!!
and i was really disappointed in myself ytd you know!!!
its my first time failling a subject i love so much-MATHEMATICS!
i saw it coming because i wasnt concentrating on my studies anymore.
im trying very hard now to get back on track. i really am.
the first and foremost thing i have to correct is to get to sch everyday and get there on time. HAHA.
fininshed the dopy project at bout 3plus and reached home at bout 4plus la.
was updating my blog halfway and my sista, claron called me.
good gracious, he was damn irritating.
i told him i dont wanna meet em' ltr for prata because i wanna take an afternoon nap after im done with my blogging but he just wouldnt leave me alone.
he nagged and nagged and nagged till 6plus and still wouldnt stop you know, there goes my afternoon nap lor.

at last, i have to resort to making an empty promise to make him hang up. wahahahs!!
but still i met up with em' ytd but way ltr, ard midnight.
proceeded to jo's place.
oh my, we had sucha fun time. the same old kind of fun we had when we're still in secondary sch. those good old sch days!
played MJ with claron, fred and WL till 5plus then fred went home cause he didnt tell his mum he went out. hahahas.
the highlight of ytd was when we played INDIAN POKER. lols!
forfeit was to drink salt mixed with plain water. damn gross.
i drank 2 cups, WL 4 cups, claron 2 cups, reine 1 cup and jo 1 cup too but damn salty.
though its just salt water but you can nvr imagine how horrible it was.
and it isnt just the normal kind of salt water you drink when you're having a sore throat, it was really horrible because they added like 3 table spoon of salt and only 1 small cup of water. it was heinous!!
reine and i laughed like nobody's business whenever its WL or claron being forfeit. tht WL is hilarious can, his expressions and actions is damn hysterical.
played till 6plus and slept alil then we cabbed home.

fell aslp straight away when i reached home and was awaken by eve's call.
was meeting her to acc her to bugis to have a look at her idol-if im not wrong its chen yi.
okay looking la, very boyish. not much to my liking but its not important cause its eve's idol. lol.
duckie called me this morning too:))))
i miss her so much la and finally received a call from her today.
chatted for quite long, she told me some stuffs bout her and i am really shocked to have heard all tht. really am, always thought tht person was a really nice person and innocent. OMG! you really cant judge a book by its cover.

Never shall I forget that night, the first night in camp, that turned my life into one long night seven times sealed.
Never shall I forget that smoke.
Never shall I forget the small faces of the children whose bodies I saw transformed into smoke under a silent sky.
Never shall I forget those flames that consumed my Faith forever.
Never shall I forget the nocturnal silence that deprived me for all eternity of the desire to live.
Never shall I forget those moments that murdered my God and my soul and turned my dreams to ashes.
Never shall I forget those things, even were I condemned to live as long as God Himself.
NEVER.
- extract from Night by Elie Wiesel.

a place to find serenity.

@9:47 PM

Friday, July 07, 2006

Indefinite silence.

school's such a bore, melancholic and old.
only qing amused me everyday with her lame jokes and wreaky actions.
exciting is past and the gossip's all told.
teachers, they play on their computers all day while the kids talk as though they always had smth to say.

The Bitter Truth.
you say one thing yet you mean another,
you try to be up front while hiding beneath a cover.
why are you so selfish and why so ignorant?
ive nvr known someone so fake,
someone who cant speak the truth,
someone so terribly insecure,
someone so cruel,
someone like you.
why did you have to be like this?
you started off quite fine,
you would always say how much you care.
i guess tht was just another "line"
i just sit ard and reminisce of how much i used to enjoy ur company
and how i so dearly loved you
now finally i know tht you arent at all wad i thought
and its a damn shame too because ~~i really liked you alot.~~

i finally brought the novel ive been dreaming of having.
ive already read almost half of it in 2 days. it just keeps you wanting to flip the pages and know wad's going to happen next.
as a human document, Night is almost unbearably painful and certainly beyond criticism.

a best friend is like a four leaf clover, hard to find and lucky to have.

@6:12 PM

Monday, July 03, 2006

Promises.

we say times change and so should we, but wad about the promises tht we made?
are they bound to eternity or do they change their flavors with time?
are promises meant to be broken?
is making a promise a temporary thing in life?
more often i see tht we end up keeping promises tht have a short life span and we keep them up with the same enthusiasm sincerity and willingness, whr as, those which are made for years on stretch like in marriages, over time becomes like a thorn in the throat.
this i think is probably because the promise lose its true meaning.
so i feel if one makes a promise they should remember it and it is equally important to renew it. failing to do so is wad creates room for assumptions, disrespect, miscommunication, misunderstandings and one nvr finds the other person special enough (they take each other for granted). so promises by itself are nvr for life until we work on it.

Hidden Beauty
when i was little and i cried, you lovingly held me and let the last tear fall.
when i would scrape my knee, you'd bandage it up and say "be careful".
when my birthday was horrible, you smiled and promised the next would be perfect.
when i would lose my temper, you had a way to calm me down.
when my friends left me behind, you gave me ice cream and said"they'll come around."
when i had a nightmare, you'd tuck me in ur bed and reassured me you'd nvr let harm find me.
when my pri 4 crush liked another, you made me see it was his loss.
when it was my sweet 16, you threw me a party and made it a day i would always rmb.
when the love of my life left me alone, so sweetly you said, "This too shall pass."
when i broke ur heart with disappointment, you came to me and said, "I still love you".
i know tht you think tht i forgot all this and take all you sacrificed for granted.
but tht's just not true, at times im stubborn, as well as you.
but nvr doubt for half a second tht i love you.
although i am growing up and someday soon,
i'll have to bandage my own knee,
you'll always be the best mother and i'll always be ur little girl.

she knows all the sides to me.

@3:50 PM