Thursday, March 01, 2007
There was once upon a time we loved so well. I just can't help but snort yet end it with a smirky laugh at the thought of how people can actually be so starkly hypocritical.
Friends whom I thought would always find the chance to make up for what has been lost doesn't seem to care anymore.
The new one comes in and I fear history will repeat.
Have I not tried hard enough?
I'm engulfed in happiness for a day but then before I know it, I'm filled with angst and sorrow once again.
Karma sure has it's way around.
This world was never meant to be this way in the very first instance.
It was made to love and have peace.
Unfortunately, people made a turn.
They manipulated the rules of god and left immense traces of hatred and malicious words of dishonesty.
I was lookin' through our older pictures and I realised that you were a much happier and innocent girl the first time I knew you.
I hesitated for quite a bit and all I felt like doing was to empty you out.
The truth hits like a falling brick.
I wish I could just put everything down and say, " never mind already " .
I choose not to hate.
I choose to sympathise this colossal mass of mother fuckers.
then again,
maybe they deserve to be stabbed hard in the back.
All the words that come out of your mouth are just excuses to me now.
How starkly numb it is already.
You made me feel that I can ttrust no one no more nor anything that feeds my ear.
I stay firm in the way I am for at least I wanna know I've tried.
The things I hear are just so ugly that I feel so sympathetic of how people think of you.
But I don't really wanna believe because I once believe there's more to you than what they see.
I can tell you know you're losing me bit by bit.
No one's to blame.
Just the hands of fate.
No point taking whatever I'm saying into the decision making part.
It's no use.
At the end of the day, it's what your mind body and soul leads you into.
You puzzle me with every word you say and every move you make.
At times I wish I could break free from you.
Each time when I feel myself losing touch you just had to come back and somewhat bring me back to how it felt like before.
Was it all just false pretence?
Stop playing mind games with me and I mean it.
It's not funny anymore.
Both friendships and affairs of the hearts are the worst enigmatic issues I've ever dealt with.
Then again.
How is it that anyone can find the true meaning of happiness if not for these two ?
Don't push me to the brink.
I always thought I did my best to make you feel secured as a friend.
I was there when you needed me, I'm pretty confident I've done my part.
I didn't see why such a comment could come about.
And it's from you.
Go figure.
It's unbelivable.
C'mon man, just tell me you're kidding.
FOR REAL.
Then again,
thank you for being there for me a long time ago.
I hope you'll see the light at the very last stop of the tunnel.
Once bitten twice shy.
I'm not sure about you though.
Funny how people always say " I understand" without knowing what it means.
It's equivalent to diving into a bottomless pit and telling yourself that you will reach the bottom.
Yeah,
defines the word bullshit pretty well.
Your assortments of thoughts give way and you say what you shouldn't have.
But that's just life.
The jumble of events leads to sublime confusion.
Thus, finding everything becoming insurmountable.. even the simplest of things.
The most perplexed issues isn't about how to get your grades right, how to get your parents to understand the life you're going through, or how to stop feeling so weak about yourself.
It ISNT.
That's because life itself IS perplexed ; It's a terrorist to us.
The greatest irony ? We're in control of this warfare.
This seemingly, psychological warfare.
I am life.
So I say, let's
rock and roll.
Endless coffee and laughters with the greatest people this afternoon.
It's amazing how sometimes you laugh over the sillest things without even realising that the humour isn't exactly worth the laughter.( if you get what i mean)
Anyhow, it's just really crazy and fun.
Sometimes people wish they were never born into this world to feel the misery life can bring.
Others wish they were in someone else's shoes because they're never satisfied with theirs.
As for me, I wished for the simplest of trust , belief , utmost patience and love but sometimes all I got was something different.
But when you stop, think, and flip back to the front page, you'll realise that it's all just a story that you either continue writing or stop.
However, I'm still pondering whether I should still pick the pen up and start writing it all over again.
I wanna thank the girls/guys for making me smile when life was at my lowest.
Can i order a suicide pls?
Oh , and upsize it.
